This time next week..............

I will be in hospital hopefully recovering.... either that or on a table in the morgue!  I am so scared of dying.
My baby girl turned 1 today, what a day it was, Rosie has learnt to climb thanks to Danni.  She already has a black eye from falling off her sister's bed last week.  Today I spent most of the day getting her down from the lounge or on top of the toy box.  I have had to put a camping mattress on the floor infront of the lounge to soften the fall.  Yes it gives her more boost to get up, but she was getting up without it, so I would rather her fall onto that than the tiles.
Danni is still suffering from the terrible 2's, she is 3 but oh my god!  Does it ever end.  I was so exhausted this afternoon.  Jason came home from work and I was looking forward to a little reprieve.  But no he stayed out in the yard sorting out his tools for work.   Then he found our shed had flooded with the rain on sunday so his boat motor was full of water.  So he then spent an hour trying to fix that.  In the end I just went and lay on my bed crying, I didn't have the energy to watch them anymore.  I just had to let them run riot.
Tonight I am feeling really really angry at myself.  I have worked so hard for the last 3 weeks and tonight I stuffed up.  We went to my Mother In Law's for dinner for Rosie's birthday.  She got a Freddo frog Ice Cream cake for her.  I just had to have a slice.  I thought, it's my daughters birthday, I didn't have any cake at the party and I want to celebrate by having a slice.  I think it was the most delicious thing I have ever eaten!  But then the guilts kicked in (after I had finished the whole slice of course).  I feel so bad at myself, why did I do that.  I have let myself down.  I am hoping the scales don't make me pay for it tomorrow.
I still had my shake, I wasn't sure if I should or not, but I needed the protein that is in the shake so I had it. 
While making it up Rosie grabbed hold of one of the dining chairs and pulled it down on herself, she smacked her head on the floor and the chair smacked her in the head.  She screamed for about 15 minutes.  Times like that just bring me down and make me want to eat.  I am so worried about her.  We kept her up later just to keep an eye on her.  But how do you know if that is long enough.  It was an almighty bang when she hit her head, she also has a red mark just on her forehead above her non black eye!  God help me when I go to the shops tomorrow, I sense a DOC's call! 
I think I need to go to bed and sleep the day off, I am crying now thinking about having the ice cream, I know its just one slice but this is why I am having this surgery.  I don't know how to say no!