Day 2 Ok, this is harder than I expected!

BEFORE

I really struggled today.  I was so hungry I had cramps.  Not just your normal hunger pains, but actual cramps.  My joints were cramping up, I had a headache, I was moody, I was tired.  I don't remember feeling this bad on Tony Ferguson
I had a busy morning with my Make A Wish families in Surfers Paradise.  I know what I did wrong, I think I left it too long between meals.
I had done a few laps of Surfers Paradise trying to find my families and doing a bit of grocery shopping for them.  I was so exhausted I thought I was going to collapse.  When I finally got back to my car I just had to sit there for a bit and rest.  It was horrible.
Driving home I really didn't think I was going to make the 40 minute trip.  So I looked for somewhere to get a salad, subway, sumo salad.  The closest place I found was McDonalds.  Now the saying "going to McDonalds for a Salad is like going to a brothel for a hug" really makes sense! lol
I ordered my $8.95 salad, it took them 18 minutes to make it, no word of a lie, I was that hungry I timed them lol!
So I get my bowl and go and find a seat so I can savour it.  Isn't lettuce supposed to be green?  I had some dodgy white looking lettuce that I would normally give to our chickens!  But I was so hungry I ate it.  And I had a diet coke.
Feeling alot better I left for home.
The rest of the afternoon I spent laying on the lounge.  Poor Jase, he had to get dinner organised and deal with the kids.  I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow.  I tried to sleep but the pains kept me awake.
The reason behind doing Optifast before surgery is to shrink your liver so that the surgeon can get to your stomach.  They have to move the liver out of the way.  Well I don't think I will have that problem anymore.  I am sure I passed my liver at some stage yesterday.  There can't be anything else in there to come out!  I was considerign taking some imodium as it was that bad!  No wonder you lose weight on it!

As a Queenslander, we have been complaining about the rain we have been having the last 3 weeks, its raining here again today.  I say its a blessing, because the amount of water I am drinking, our dams need replenishing.

While I was struggling I started to think about why I am doing this and what has got me here.
I have never really seen myself as fat, maybe I have the opposite to annorexia.  I am happy, I have a beautiful family that love me, a husband that finds me sexy, friends that love me for me.  So I have never been one to really notice what strangers have ever thought about my weight, I haven't cared.  I watch the biggest loser programs etc and I hear of them saying they hear snide remarks from strangers etc.  I never really noticed it. 
I do remember 2 occassions that really have stuck with me.  One was at my Year 10 school formal.  I felt like a princess.  I loved my dress and thought I looked hot.  I remember a fellow student watching me dance and then making gestures about my belly bouncing.  I will never forget that.
Another time, before I moved to QLD, I lived in Cronulla, NSW.  I used to ride my bike everywhere.  I loved it. I was always on a diet or 2 also but I just loved getting out on my bike.  I still do (if I ever get the chance).  I remember riding along and I can tell you the exact spot, I was going through the roundabout just outside where the old Northies used to be.  I heard someone yell out "Fat chick on a bike".  I turned around and scanned the area to try to see what they were talking about, it sounded like a real spectacle the way they said it.  I couldn't see anything and looked back towards the car that the yelling had come from.  It turns out they were talking about me!  I just never saw myself as a spectacle, I still don't.
Yesterday afternoon, Jase got some DVD's for the girls to watch and one for us.  Once the girls had gone to bed he put on the movie he had chosen.  It was called "kick ass".  I had never heard of it. 
Halfway through, I had to ask Jase if I was so hungry I was hallucinating because I couldn't believe how stupid the movie was!  By then I knew it was time for me to go to bed!

~It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed~