Feeling very frustrated

Needed to come and blog cause I am feeling very frustrated today.  The longer I think about it the worse I am getting.
I had my final free session with my Personal Trainer at the gym today.  Of course at the end he tried to get me to sign up for sessions with him at $50 a session.  Now we just don't have that kind of money.  He wanted me to do 2 a week.  I explained to him we just can't afford that.  He then said if I train with a friend its only $37.50 and he can't understand why I can't afford that! I understand that is his job and he has to get people to sign up.  But now I just feel lost.  I don't have any kind of program to work with.  I don't know if I was meant to be given something to follow or if I was supposed to remember everything he did with me over the last 3 visits.
He explained if I didn't have a trainer then a few weeks down the track my weight loss will plateau because the body will get used to the exercise and weights etc.  That might be normal for someone who hasn't had Gastric Sleeve Surgery!  I just feel very frustrated that he doesn't have any kind of understanding of my situation.
He also told me that the surgery I had hasn't guaranteed me a longer life!  He was disappointed that I had had the surgery and said I should have tried diet and exercise.  I said I have been for over 20 years and it hasn't worked.  That is why I went with this surgery.  Only regret I have is not doing it 12 months ago.  He said having the surgery doesn't guarantee I won't be hit by a bus tomorrow!
I think I will just stick to what I like to do, the treadmill, the cross trainer and the bike.  Maybe the stepper when I find some energy lol.  He was very happy I do Zumba, bloody don't care if he wasn't, I will still be doing that.  It was so much fun.
I went and bought new work out clothes today!  So excited.  Even more excited when I said to the Sales assistant that I need a Size 22 and she said, no you don't, surely!  hehehehe, that has never happened before.  Sadly, yes, the belly I still have is restricting my clothes size dropping.  I would probably be in an 18 pants if it wasn't for my belly.
I had to get new socks and undies too.  I was wearing Billies socks cause I just don't have any, besides bedsocks lol.  So new jocks and socks here I come!  At least now I can shake my booty without my knickers ending up down around my ankles.

Watching what I eat!

Not me, others!  I feel a bit like I am on show when I eat now.  I feel people are watching me to actually see how much I do eat.  Maybe in the hope they catch me out doing something wrong! lol  Its strange.  Maybe its just me. 
We went to dinner friday night and I ordered a kids mexican meatballs.  It came with 2 gold ball size meatballs on this bed of rice.  All I could eat was one of the meatballs, with a tiny bit of rice.  When the waitress came to take the plate she asked me if that was all I was eating.  When I said yes that is all I can fit, she asked if I was unwell! lol
I then explained to her the surgery I had and she was amazed at how little I eat before feeling full.
I went to lunch for a friends birthday yesterday.  I ordered a kids fish and chips.  I ate the 2 small pieces of fish and about 6 chips.  (They didn't give me my soft drink and icecream :( , but I wouldn't have been able to fit it anyway lol).
I can make a sandwich and all I will eat is a quarter of it.  I may be able to eat another quarter a bit later. 
I have been feeling sooo tired.  And my mood!  Boy oh boy!  Don't cross me at around 3pm!  I went to the chemist to speak to them to see if there was another multivitamin I should be taking.  All I take was a Berrocca a day, which had been prescribed by the dietician.  That is supposed to have all that you need in it.  But it isn't enough.  I am also losing alot of hair.  So the chemist gave me Complex B vitamins.  I hope they kick on soon!

Zumba Zumba Zumba!

I did my first Zumba class this week!  Wow, that was fun!  But bloody hilarious too! hehehe!  My head, feet and body were all dancing to their own beat!  Infact I think my body is still moving to something entirely different!  I just couldnt pick up the moves!  But like that instructor said, as long as I keep moving. I felt like Baby in Dirty Dancing when she gets the moves wrong in her performance with Johnny and she improvises.  That was me lol.
We also were evacuated from the gym half way through due to a fire alarm going off.  I swear I had nothing to do with that!  Something to do with the business next door.  But it was actually a good icebreaker for me, those that were in the zumba class all stood together and had a laugh.  The instructor came and spoke to me and told me I was doing really well.  She was really lovely when I first go there.  Came up and introduced herself and gave me some pointers.  She is an energetic little mexican jumping bean let me tell you!
Had another assessment with my trainer today.  Still I couldn't get through to him as to how little I eat.  He wants me to add a green tea to my diet.  Mate, I struggle to get enough water in let alone trying to fit in another cup of tea.  He wants me to sacrifice my morning cup of tea for a green tea!  Hell will freeze over before that happens! hehehe!  I think I may need to print out some info on the surgery for him so he understands I am not a standard training case.
Lost another 1.4kg this week.  Which is great.  I know it will slow down again when I start building muscle.  Apparantly I have abs somewhere under my belly!  Well we worked on them today.  Actually the trainer called it my core.  All I could think of was mmmmm Apple lol.  Actually I must have been hungry.  I went to the receptionist at the gym and asked if she had a menu I could take home.  What I was actually after was a timetable lol.  Yep , think it was time for lunch.
Had some very exciting news today, can't say anything else yet, but watch this space!

You have to believe ur going to win or what's the point of getting out of bed - Harry Kewell

Make Over!

God I am so blessed with so many beautiful friends!  I am so lucky to have so much support from family and everyone.  I am blown away everyday by the messages of support I get and the praise for my achievements.

I was lucky enough to receive a makeover by a few friends.  First I had a friend Katrina give me a haircut and colour.  I felt amazing.  It was so nice to sit and be spoilt.
Then another friend Dale, offered to do my hair and makeup for me and give me a spray tan so that I could take some photos.  I felt so glamorous and like a movie star.  I hate to sound conceited but I couldn't stop looking at myself in the photos after!

Here is a Before and After shot for you.

I have also been blessed to receive a Gym membership.  I had been wanting to try to get out there and start toning up.  With the 3 kids it really is hard.  I can't just up and leave and go for a good power walk, I have to load them all up on bikes or prams but then also I have to walk at their pace.  So that just was pointless.  Also where I live I don't feel safe walking the streets.  Its not too bad but its not the nicest place.

So I have been going to the gym for 3 days now.  I had an assessent with a Personal Trainer.  That was very frustrating.  He had never heard of my surgery before so he couldn't get the gist of how little I actually can eat or drink.  His questionaire was really irrelevant to me.  He kept looking at me like he was confused also!  But anyway, will see what kind of plan he can come up with for me.  He is talking about wanting to burn the carbs that I eat.  Well I don't know how he will do that!  I don't eat any lol!

I am feeling fantastic, I am doing things I would never have done 25+ kilos ago.  I even went for a slide on the slip n slide with the kids the other afternoon!  I am playing with the kids more.  I am even doing more housework!  I just have so much more energy.

I hope you are enjoying reading my story, please say hi.  Let me know what you think, if you have any questions.

"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake."
~Author Unknown

New year, New Me!

Wow, its been a while since I have updated my blog.  I just don't seem to have the time! 
I am feeling great.  I have lost 25.3kg!  I can't believe it has been just over 3 months since my surgery. 
People are really starting to notice.  Actually when I say that, I should say people are starting to not recognise me!  NOt only have I lost 25kg, I also chopped off all of my hair! 
A beautiful friend of mine promised me 3 months after my surgery she would give me a makeover.  So far I have had a spray tan and tonight, she will be doing my hair and makeup!
I must be feeling better in myself.  My beautifician who see's me on a fortnightly basis, said to me "you must be feeling better about yourself.  You know how I know?  Because you are wearing makeup".  So I must be making more of an effort with myself. 
I have bitten the bullet and bought some new clothes.  I had too!  Everything is like a tent on me.  Its just laughable.  And embarassing.
I am 2 sizes smaller! 
I am loving that now I can have a yoghurt for lunch and be full.  Before surgery, I would have eaten the yoghurt, a coke, and god knows whatelse!
My next goal is to be down to 90kg by my birthday in June.  I have 3kg to go!  I think I will make it lol.
I really would like to get into more exercise, but I just don't have the time.  Its really hard with the kids. 
I have been asked a fair bit about the excess skin.  I think in 12 months time I will be able to speak to my doctor about it.  I don't know that I am prepared to undergo such major surgery again.
I have been trying not to post too many photos of me on my Facebook.  I am really wanting to surprise my dad and family and my Best Friend one day when I can finally get to Sydney.  I hope they are happy for me when they see me.
My dietician has told me she is very happy with my results and I am doing everything I am supposed to.  My surgeon is also very happy.