I haven't blogged for a while, again, nothing new has happened in the weight loss area. I gained about 4kg. I cut out my Zarraffa's Fusions (ok cut down) hehehe and have been watching what I eat for the most part. And thank fully I lost 2kg of that 4.
I am here to get down in writing my crazy thoughts. I am struggling to accept compliments for what they are.... compliements.
So I have said this before, I remember when I was younger I would always get told I had beautiful eyes. For years I never heard anything like that said. Until I met my husband. According to him every part of me is beautiful. No matter how I look. So to cut to now, I am getting compliments and flirted with and hit on and I am not taking it well.
A few weeks ago we had my Sister In Law's hens night. It was a fantastic night, so much fun, lots of laughs, dancing and girly chats. After dinner and a show at Dracula's we hit Jupiter's Casino. They have a few bars there with music and of course the gambling.
We tried out a couple of the bars and danced the night away.
I received alot of male attention. So much so my Sister in Law asked me if I was omitting pharamones. I don't want this to sound conceited. But it did actually happen. This has never happened before. I have always been the fat friend while I stood there and watched my gorgeous friends get hit on and chatted up. This time it was me! Yes I am married so nothing was ever going to happen. It didn't stop them! I even had one guy tell me if we both weren't married he would kiss me right there and then. My sister in law was sitting right there next to me. Gee I must have looked nice.
BUT , here is my problem. I felt there were hidden agenda's involved. To me, they were playing games and having a laugh at me. In my head I had thoughts that they were either trying to win a bet as to who could hit on the fat chick or making me the butt of their joke etc. I was even scared they were going to put drugs in my drinks. Don't laugh. I did. I mean why else do these people want to talk to me.
Last night at a family wedding, one of my husbands cousin's sons asked me for a dance later in the night. I even had those negative thoughts with him. To me I thought he was having a laugh with his mates also. He was doing it as part of a dare etc. I even spoke to his mum who was with us on the Hen's night and explained to her how I was feeling. I told her even though I knew her and her husband have raised their boys right and they would never allow him to do something like that, but I still had those negative thoughts. She went on to tell me that he was asking me to dance because he genuinely thought I was looking great and was proud of me. We talked about the hens night and my feelings that night also. She told me I was looking very confident that night and like I was happy which is what would have attracted those guys. She went on to tell me how beautiful I am and that my looks have changed but my personality hasn't. I have always been a beautiful person. I know he wasn't trying to pick me up or anything. He is family and half my age lol. But even though he is family I still had that little voice in my head telling me he was making me the butt of a joke.
To me I still see that old 120kg person. I still have this belly and I still feel fat. So this is why I don't believe people when they compliment me. How long does it take for you to get your mind around these things? Why do I still see that 120kg person in the mirrow?
