I'm so deleriously happy!

This is my OMG is that really me photo.  But not in the way you would expect.  I can't belive I am that small. 
YOu know when you read or hear stories of people who see a photo of themselves when they are really big and that is when they make the decision to do something about their weight.   I had the same reaction when I saw this photo but in a positive way.  I had to ask my mum if it was really me.  I just can't believe how much weight I have lost.
I am so happy with the way I look.  I know I still have a lot of weight to lose (at least 15kg) but I am just happy now!  I am buying clothes off the rack, I can shop in an op shop!  (which I will say, I have to do as its costing so much in new clothes!).  I can't describe how excited I was to shop in an opshop for the first time.  I got 3 pairs of shorts for $4-$6 each!

I went to Dreamworld on the weekend.  I went on rides I had never been on before. Because I was too big before.  I had the best day!  It was so much fun!  I even went on the swing chairs!!  Never before would I have gone on, I would have been too scared the chains wouldn't be strong enough to hold me.

Oh and I met Brian McFadden there too lol!  I was so excited, I was shaking and my heart was racing!  I am surprised I didn't pee my pants lol.

He was so lovely.  He was happy to stop and smile for a photo.  What a great guy!

Dietician very happy.

Had a dietician appointment this week.  The appointments get fewer as time goes on.  Especially now that I am showing that I am doing so well.
My Dietician asked me if I was going to a photo shoot later in the day.  I had made an effort to dress up that morning.  Nice new skinny jeans and stiletto boots.  And of course my gorgeous leather jacket that I want to sleep in!
I felt great!  To hear this professional also tell me she is very happy with my progress and she is going to write to my surgeon to tell him how well I am doing, just makes me feel great.
My dietician was very happy to hear that I have learnt what I can and can't eat.  I have learnt that carbs will fill me quicker, if I eat the carbs, I won't get the protein that I need.  So now I really make concious decision when choosing what I eat.  For example, Sushi, I pick the ones with the least amount of rice, or even, just don't eat the rice.  Pizza, I eat the topping etc.  I really love my meat and the dietician said that is great as that is what is helping the rapid weight loss.
Don't get me wrong, I am still having naughty things, but compared to the amount I used to have its ok.  I still have the odd drink of coke, here and there.  I have really become addicted to Caramel Latte's.  I don't "drink" alot through the day.  I have to choose, eat or drink lol.  So depending on the day and how I am feeling.
I am getting compliments left right and centre!  Its very flattering!  I am really not used to it.
Wasn't recognised at our monthly Make-A-Wish meeting this week!  I hadn't been for 2 months.  So yes there was probably a bit of a difference lol.  It was quite funny.  Seeing someone say hello to you that you have known for 13 years but they look at you like they have met you for the first time.
I really can't wait to get my hair back to my Natural colour.  At the moment I feel like a Bogan, huge regrowth showing lol.  I liked being blonde but I just don't like how the regrowth shows so much on me.  So hopefully back to being a Brunette soon.

'In the end.... what we regret most are the chances we never took"

Why do I let people bring me down?

I had a melt down moment.  I'm not proud of it.  Someone who means nothing to me made me feel worthless.  Why did I let him do it?
We were out to dinner and I was feeling absolutely fantastic about myself.  A friend of a friend who I had only met for the first time made a joke that he "DISLIKED" the compatability score between he and I.  (Stupid game we used to play as kids where you put your name Loves insert name here.  Then you cross out how many L's, O's, V's, E's S's etc.  Which gives you a percentage.  (some of you may be too young to know what I am talking about lol).  Well my name was included with his and he made a big song and dance that he disliked it.  It really pissed me off at first.  Who the fuck are you!  As if I have any interest in you anyway.
But then in the car home I really got upset.  Now thinking about it, I think the past week was just brought to a head thanks to that.  I had had a hell of a week with sleeping and my kids being sick.  One child had been diagnosed with suspected Whooping Cough.  So you can imagine how much stress I had been under. Then the doctors picked up an irregular heartbeat in her.  Well it was the week from hell.  I was so extremely tired and emotional that I cried for hours.  I actually didn't get any sleep at all.
It really made me angry that I let a stupid little game upset me so much.  But I really hope it got to me so much because I was so emotionally on edge anyway.
Or is it because I feel I want everyone to like me?  I've always thought I don't give a shit what people especially those I will never see again, think of me.  This is why I think it was just the emotions catching up with me.

Hahah had a blonde moment also this week (again I blame tiredness & my bad hair colour lol).  I for some reason thought I had to be 81.9kg to have lost 40kg.  I was 82.3kg on Thursday and thought I was soooo close.  Friday morning I weigh myself, I am 80.9kg.  OMG!  I did it I scream.  I've lost 40kg!  Just to make sure I get the calculator out.  What the hell was I thinking!?  Should have stayed at school that extra year longer I think lol.  I have no idea how I came up with the result that I would be 40kg lighter if I got to 81.9kg.  I just don't know lol!  turns out, I have 1.8kg to go.  Thanks to the trusty calculator.   So its close!

Finally now that everyone in the house is well again (touch wood) and school goes back this week, I may be able to get some exercise in again.  I haven't been to the gym for a month!  I am surprisingly missing it too.  Will edge back in slowly.

I have to share something I find very inspirational with you.  My friend Stephanie was on Today Tonight on friday night.  Stephanie has suffered terribly with insults from ignorant people because of her size.  I have been fortunate enough to not suffer anywhere near as many taunts as she has.
She told her story to Today Tonight and I am so proud of her for standing up and being counted.  I don't know what gives people the right to think they can degrade people they way they do.  When it all comes down to it, fat, thin, black, white, tall, short, we are all human.  We should respect each other no matter what. 
Steph has set herself a challenge to walk 46 flights of stairs at the building she works at.  I would love it if you could please sponsor her and help her raise money for the Cancer Council.
Check out Steph's blog: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.movingforwardlookingforward.blogspot.com%2F&h=kAQDl-_p2

Cancer Council Link: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fvic.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au%2FpersonalPage.aspx%3FregistrationID%3D342014%26langPref%3Den-CA&h=UAQDnk6Ts

Today Tonight Link: http://au.todaytonight.yahoo.com/article/9811238/none/obesity-humiliation

You will not believe the comments she has received from some people on her blog.  You will be gobsmacked!

Should have done it!

My Sister In Law Jac is doing the Gold Coast Marathon on Sunday.  I really had an interest in doing it but thought it would be way too hard.  I haven't been to the gym in over 3 weeks (kids sick and me sick) so I am not feeling very fit at the moment.  So I didn't apply.  But now I really wish I had of.  It would have been great for me.  It isn't that far really.
I am feeling so crap because I haven't been to the gym.  Hopefully I can get back next week.  Fingers crossed all the kids will be well again.
I bought a pair of skinny jeans this week.  Don't get me wrong, I still have a huge belly so I will be wearing long tops over them.  But I was so sick of the legs of my pants flapping in the breeze.  I've been wearing size 18 because it fits around my belly comfortably, but the legs are just too big.  I can't wait to wear my new jeans.
I have decided to go back to my natural hair colour.  I am not liking the blonde.  MOre so the regrowth look lol.
I won a family pass to dreamworld last weekend.  I am so excited to think I will be able to go on the rides with my girls now.  I normally stand back and watch the bags. 
I haven't been eating the best.  Been eating lots of choccie biscuits (well more than I should be).  I am also really really craving protein.  I could eat the side of a cow!

Somebody Pinch me because I think I am dreaming PART 2

Making a mad dash in the rain in our gorgeous $3 poncho's, we headed back to our hotel to beauitfy ourselves for our night out.  We also started the drinking!  I really needed a burst of energy so we were drinking Vodka and Redbull.

All prettied up and hair straightened we were ready to head out.  We Note to all, never trust Leesa with directions!  We were looking for 345 but we ended up magically at 534 Kent street.  Thanks Leesa!  So we basically paid $20 to do a lap of the city lol!  We started to head back by foot in the right direction but just knew we wouldn't make it in our shoes so we hailed another cab.  Even the driver was sceptical about having to do a trip around the block.  We told him unless he was going to swap shoes with us then he was taking us!  SO another 20 odd minutes stuck in traffic we finally made it.  Well sort of lol!  Still had to walk back a bit further again.  We finally made it to the Meriton hotel where Leesa's workmates were waiting.  There we had more drinks, a few photos a few laughs and then we were off.  It had started raining so Leesa and I and one of the other girls decided to catch a cab (halfway back to where we had just come from lol) .  We waited in the laneway to the Ivy (you wouldn't even know this place existed, there is no signage or anything!).  We walked straight up to the door past the line up and gave them our names, we were in!  We went straight up to the Pool bar, which was absolutely crazy, it was pouring raing lol!  But we were there.  A drink and a shot each then we decided to head down to the other bar.  
I had an amazing time, I danced my butt off!  I didn't care less what anyone thought of me, as far as I  was concerned, I looked hot!  I met some lovely people, friends of Leesa's.  We had a great night.
I had a few drinks bought for me which has never happened before.  I felt amazing.
We got back to the hotel after 3am.  Leesa and I just had the best night.  We were in hysterics.  Leesa wanted a Kebab, I said ok lets go get somethign to eat, I wanted a whopper with cheese (not that I could eat it all but I was cravign it).  I got up and started to get dressed again, only to then hear Leesa snoring.  Lol
I jumped back into bed only for Leesa to call our again she wanted a Kebab.  I told her well you get up and get dressed tehn I will.  lol
We finally passed out, woke at 8am.  I won't be booking the same room again, it spins.  I didn't like that feature.  It didn't make me feel very well at all. (It had nothing to do with the vodka and red bull and Tequila shots!).
I got up and had a shower, then got back into bed.  I had to set my alarm as I knew if I didn't we would sleep through check out.
We were ready to go, still drunk!  We checked out and headed towards the station.  We both needed to eat so we split up, Leesa went to MacDonalds, I went to Hungry Jacks.  I ordered my whopper with cheese and went and sat down.  All I could do was look at the burger, I couldn't bring myself to eat it.  I felt very very seedy.  My hubby rang to see how my night went.  We had a chat for a bit.  By the time I hung up , all I could do was throw the whopper in the bin.  I couldn't even take a sip of the water I had.
Now you may remember me talking about getting some chocolates for my eldest daughter.  I tried to think of every excuse I could give her to get out of getting them, I just didn't think I could walk through circular quay.  I just couldn't do that to her so I got up and started walking, remember, I am still drunk, in high heels with feet that I could just cut off they are so sore, dragging my VERY heavy suitcase in the rain! I walk around circular quay and finally I can see the sign for the chocolate shop. Guess what the chocolate shop is called.  "Guylian"!!!  Yes, the same friggen shop I had sat in 2 days earlier that was right down stairs from our hotel!   I couldn't believe it!  But all I can do now is laugh!
I purchase the chocolates, $22 worth!  (I was so out of it I just told her to make me up a bag!) and then I head back to the station.  Finally I make it onto the platform where I find a near dead Leesa.  Turns out she couldn't eat her McDonalds either lol!  We boarded the train and both sat there for the entire trip like 2 drunk bag ladies. 
Finally we made it to our destinaton, Leesa was picked up by her husband and I was picked up by my Step mother.
Finally I see my family after 12 months.  I was so happy to see them.  My brothers seem to have changed.  Its so nice to finally catch up.

My dad is out at work referring soccer so I don't see him until later.  When I do see him for the first time in 12 months, his reaction "your looking healthy".  I take that as he is happy with what I've done lol.
I am given my birthday present from Dad and my stepmum, its an absolutely gorgeous Pandora Bracelet.  I am blown away.  Never ever would I have ever thought I would have a Pandora bracelet.  And it fits!  Normally any jewellery for me has to be resized.  I also get a gorgeous photo frame clock.

Its a very relaxing afternoon, after the huge couple of day's I've had its the best I can do.  My step mother offers me a bath to soak in.  Bliss!  Then its into my warm PJ's and a bit of quiet time.  I then head to bed, I don't hear a peep until 9am the next morning.  Heavenly!
Its a cold and miserable day, its another veg out day infront of the tv in my PJ's.  My step mother and I watch "Get him to the Greek"  very funny movie.  I then realise its nearly time for me to leave so I decide to change out of my Pyjama's and repack my bag.
Its time to head to the airport, dad takes me in.  I phone Jase to tell him I'm at the airport, tell him I'll see him and my girls soon.  I can't wait.
The flight was one of the worst I have experienced.  We had really bad turbulence.  The plane shook and bounced that much that other passengers screamed.  I may have but I didn't hear it.  The lady next to me offered me her hand to hold lol.  (I will just say that was for her comfort).  We end up chatting the rest of the flight home.  I try to sell her tickets to our Make A Wish Gala Dinner. lol  always working!
We land safely and I walk out to the carpark to find Jase conveniently stopped at the crossing.  I go to jump in but he jumps out to give me a kiss.  Seems he missed me too.
We get home after a little detour of car swapping etc then get the girls from my mother in laws.  They are so excited to see me, they come running out of the house squealing "MUMMY!"  Its a really nice welcome home.
Back home now and everything is back to normal.  Dealing with housework, screaming kids that won't sleep, cold etc.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I had an amazing weekend, I will never forget it. 
Plus I weighed in while I was away and thanks to the bout of gastro I had the first few days, I lost another 2 kilos!  I am now down to 83kg!

Somebody pinch me because I think I am dreaming. PART 1

What an amazing weekend.  It feels like it was all a dream.  I am definately back in reality now. 

My weekend started with me being ill.  I picked up a gastro virus on the wednesday.  Flying out friday morning I was very scared of how I would go on the plane.  I have shares in Gastro stop even though it doesn't work!

My wonderful mother dropped me at the airport, I felt like a million dollars.  I got myself a powerade as I hadn't eaten much at all the last 2 days and wanted to get some hydration.  I boarded the plane and settled in.  I had a nice chat to the lady next to me on the plane.  I ended up giving her and her family the Make A Wish Gold Coast Gala dinner flyers.  Told them all about it and have hopefully sold some tickets!  I enjoyed time to read a magazine and just relaxed as much as I could.

Arrived in Sydney, phoned everyone at home to tell them I made it.  I met my friend Leesa down on the trainstation platform.  We caught a train into Circular Quay where our accommodation was.  We stayed at the Old Sydney Holiday Inn at The Rocks.  A nice hotel right down the very end of George Street.  We had a nice little room.  Best of all, I noticed a bath in the bathroom!  I put my name down for that straight away! (we only have a shower at home!).

Minutes later another friend turned up.  Bec and her family had driven down from the Entrance to see us. We headed to the pub just downstairs for a drink and some hot chips and gravy.  It was bloody cold in Sydney.  Had a nice catch up.  Rebecca had to leave.  Leesa and I went for a little walk through the markets that were set up in The Rocks.  lots of beautiful things.  We decided to have a fairly quiet night due to doing the bridge climb the next day.  We decided we would go to the movies.

Before the movies we walked up to Pitt Street Mall where Leesa needed to find an outfit to wear.  That absolutely killed!  We weren't wearing the best shoes to be walking marathons in lol.  Had a little walk around the shops, it then started to rain, we used our brains and caught a cab back to our hotel.

We went to the Guylian Chocolate Cafe down stairs from our hotel and had a hot chocolate.  That was devine.  But I was too scared to drink too much of it thanks to my upset stomach.  I told Leesa to not let me forget I had to go to the chocolate shop on the other side of Circular Quay before I left as my eldest daughter had asked me to bring her home a chocolate from there . (she has been spoilt one time before on a Sydney trip by my friend Caroline).  Leesa suggested me getting the chocolates they had in this cafe but I was adament I wanted to get what my girl wanted and that was at the other chocolate shop.

We then got ready for the movies.  Caught a cab back up George Street.  Had a drink before the movie.  We went and saw Bridesmaids.  I don't think I had ever been to the movies with my best friend before so it was really nice to do that together.  The movie was sooo funny.  We just laughed so much.

I still had a funny tummy so was rushing back and forth to the toilet.

After the movie we caught another cab back to the hotel, we decided to do a litle walk of the markets and grabbed something to eat.  Leesa had raved about something called Goz (Turkish food) so I had to try it.  It was so yummy, actually something Iwould have normallly eaten alot of!  Its like a turkish bread that has filling inside (we had mince, spinanch and cheese).  I could only eat a small amount, I was still wary of how my stomach would cope.

We went back to the hotel where I ran myself a bath and had a nice long soak.  It felt like heaven!  We had a fairly early night after that and a nice little sleep in. 
On waking I was determined to not let my upset stomach ruin the bridge climb so I went for a walk to a chemist where they gave me some Immodium and said I could take 2 before the climb and that should help.  I did that.
I walked around the markets a little and had a chat to some of the stall holders, told them all about the Make A  Wish Gala Dinner.  Hopefully I may have picked up some more Auction prizes!
Went back to the hotel to find Leesa ready to go so we went to find something to have for breakfast.  We really needed to eat before our climb and get some energy.
I ordered a ham & cheese omlette and a side order of mushrooms, just something I was really craving!  Well it came out and it was absolutely huge.

So as you can see from the photo, I didn't eat much lol!  What a waste! 

It was then time for us to head up to the BridgeClimb.  The excitement set in!  I was all giggly!  We checked inand were put on a climb 10 minutes earlier.  Everything is run so smoothly and like clock work.  You move from each section with precision and professionalism.  You sign your life away, oops I mean your agreement to climb, you are breathalised, then you walk through to be given your jumpsuit and pants.  Super Stylish I must say!  Then next you move to the lockers where you are then given safety straps for your glasses and hats etc.
Your then taken through a metal detector and then walked around to the training area.  THere you are kitted up with your belt that has your connection cable attached.  Your given a radio and headphones so you can hear the climb leader at all times, your given an extra jumper and raincoat.  Everything is attached to you.  Your even given a handkerchief that is attached to your wrist. 
Its now time for the climb, you head through a tunnel and then along the underside of the  bridge.  You climb some very straight ladders and then yoru at the bottom of the arch.  You can't help but just want to stop and look around, the view is amazing!  You may have seen the same view millions of times but from the bridge, its just magical.  Your given 2 hours on the bridge.  You move up in sections.  Finally when you reach the top the Climb leader lets out a cheer to let you know.  We all erupt on cheers and applause.  I cry.  I cry for what I have achieved with the climb but mostly for what I have achieved getting here.  I am just so proud of myself.  All I could think was that I wanted to just jump up and down and squeal with excitement!  I was proud of Leesa, she has a fear of heights.  She did fantastic, you wouldn't have even known.  I was so happy to have shared this moment with her.  Its something we will always have together. 
Along the way the climber takes lots of photos of you.  I want to buy every one of them to make sure this is actually happening. 
We start our climb down and right at the bottom I start to get the shakes in my legs.  I knew it wasn' tnerves because if it was, it should have hit me 2 hours ago lol.  The climb leader tells me its Lactic Acid releasing due to all the stair climbing.  That tells me I am really going to feel it tomorrow!
We make our way back into the building of the climb where it all started and we start to take everything off.  Again, everything works like clockwork.  It has to, groups leave ever 10 minutes and nothing is left to chance.  We are given a feedback form to fill in.  I just can't praise them enough.  Our leader was funny, professional and caring.  He even came up to me while I was crying up the top and gave me a cuddle and a pat on the back.  He has been doing it for 11 years yet it sounded like the stories he was telling were the first time he told them.  He was so enthusiastic.
It was time to come back down to reality.  All Leesa and I wanted to do was Celebrate.  We headed back to The Rocks, had another look around the markets (they kept changing store holders) and then decided we really needed to get some lunch.  So we walked back to Circular Quay and found a nice cafe where we orderd a Nacho's to share as we were both really craving it.  The rain came over and we couldn't believe the difference in the change compared to when we had juts done our climb.  We sat and stared at the bridge.  I just kept looking and thinking, did I relaly do that. 

We sat at people watched for a while, we didn't want to go back in the rain and get our straightened hair wet lol.  Then we decided we better head back to the hotel and get ready for our night out!  We were going to The Ivy!

Happy Birthday to me!

ME AT MY BIRTHDAY 2010

MY BIRTHDAY 2011 (with my mum)

Wow!  What a difference 12 months makes!  I can't believe how different I look.  Look at the puffiness in my face last year!  I've just been transformed.

What an amazing birthday I had this year, completely wipes out last years birthday!  First of all I planned a lunch with some friends and family on the day as last year I spent the day sitting on my own crying.  So I refused to do that this year.  I had a lovely lunch, was very spoilt.  Great company.  Then I received a phone call to say I had won a Notebook computer!  What a fantastic day!  That night I spent with the most beautiful people in the world, my hubby and 3 daughters and we had Thai for dinner (glass noodle salad for me) and then Freddo Icecream cake (my favourite!).  A beautiful night!

I thought my birthday was all over and done with for the year.  Until Saturday!  Hubby told me on Friday he was taking me somewhere special on Saturday.  We were to drop the kids at my mums.  He didn't tell me where we were going or anything.  He joked he was taking me to Palazzo Versace Hotel, I knew that wasn't possible as we couldnt' afford it plus I had nothing to wear there! lol

I got dressed, tried to look as nice as possible.  Put on my HOT heels.  Got thrown right off the track when we stopped to buy bait! lol!

Got to my mums place only to walk in and have 50 odd of my closest family and friends standing there calling out "Surprise!".  I couldn't belive it!  I was in shock, couldn't stop shaking and just didn't know what to do next. 
I had an amazing afternoon, again was very spoilt.  SO much love in the room all for me.  I am just so happy.

My daughter and my mum had put it all together, it looked beautiful, so much food and it was just such a nice surprise.

I'm off to Sydney this weekend to complete the celebrations.  I just can't wait!

This been an amazing birthday. 

Thank you to everyione who made it so special!  love my family and friends with all my heart.

xxx